Peace. Before I get to today’s biscuit, I’d just like to go back on something I mentioned in yesterday’s Monday Meal. In my list of 5 thoughts about Osama bin Laden’s assassination, number 3 asked the question of why George W. Bush’s name was mentioned. I understand the feeling behind my asking that question, in that it was more a response to folks wishing Bush received the bulk of the credit while overlooking the obvious efforts of Obama. I still feel that way; however, I’d be foolish not to acknowledge the ground work laid by the Bush Administration which surely gave Obama a head start. My man still got the job done, though. So, props to the President.
Now that we got that out of the way, I can get to providing some more perspective on the male mind. I included “part 1” in the title because I’m guessing I’ll get a few more questions like these in the future.
“Why is it that (some) guys will put in the time approaching a woman and asking for her number, but fail to follow-up by asking her out? Is there a thrill in getting someone's number? Is there something women do after they've given their number that turns the guy off from pursuing her?
Normally I can answer questions like this pretty straight forward. Even if I won’t provide the consensus opinion, I at least understand what the consensus opinion is and so I’m confident in addressing any retorts I might receive on my perspective. The issue with this scenario is that because I don’t typically go about approaching women the same way that other men do, I’m not entirely sure what reasons they have for exhibiting such behavior.
Speaking for myself, I have done this maybe once or twice. I’m assuming you’re not referring to the frivolous encounters where a dude just meets a woman (whether on the dance floor or at a bar) and gets her number but rather the instances where he actually puts in work. I am guilty as charged for committing the first crime a few times. I think the issue is that, getting her number was more something to do, and truthfully I probably had other thoughts in my mind. But then once I stepped outside of the situation and realized I didn’t wish to pursue certain things with that woman, I just decided to leave it alone.
But as for the second, more serious situation and what I believe to be the root of your question…I honestly don’t know. If I put in actual work, you best believe I’m going to follow through on a number. However, we may have different intentions in mind. Some guys may just be out there to network, and then forget the contacts they make. As silly as that sounds, it does happen. You also may have a guy who got two numbers in one night and decided to follow through on the latter without exerting too much on the former. In other instances, maybe he Google’d or Facebook’d you and realized he just didn’t want to talk to you. Or, perhaps he asked around and learned some information about you that wasn’t readily available at your face encounter (and understandably so).
As much as this sucks and sounds harsh, I honestly do not know what would motivate a man to actually spend time getting a woman to open up to him, ask for her number, and then not follow through later. Unless of course he did follow through with a phone (or email or text…*sigh*) conversation and decided afterward he didn’t wish to ask you out. If that’s what happened, I think it’s pretty obvious he isn’t feeling you enough to pursue anything further. Maybe some other fellas could give a better perspective than I can. My only suggestion would be to never get ahead of yourself. A lot people (women especially, but definitely men) get in trouble when they start speculating the future with a person they just met. One day at a time, folks. One day a time.
“I’m curious about the significance of a gentleman introducing a lady to his family and friends. For example, if a guy has been seeing a lady for a couple of weeks and she has only met his friends that he parties with, is it likely that she’ll meet anyone else more significant in his life?”
This is a good question because it brings to mind several ideas. The first is about the significance of friends, and I have to say that there is a difference between which of a man’s friends a woman meets. I definitely have fellas that are more for the partying, good times and shït shootin’ scenarios. I respect them all, but we usually share a mutual understanding about women. At least when we’re around each other. What I mean is, if we go out, we pretty much know that we’re not taking ourselves too seriously. Therefore, any woman we meet, it is generally assumed the situation won’t be serious. But that’s not to say that I don’t meet serious women when out with my unserious fellas. It just means that I might need to do a little clarifying.
“That woman you met last night was kinda bad, yo. You beat*?”
“Nah, man. She was real cool. I might actually try to talk to her for real.”
“Fµck outta here, BenGe. You beat.”
The inverse is true as well. I have certain friends that I’m closest with, and we also share a mutual understanding about women. They know my type pretty well, and if I take a woman out to an event where these fellas are present and they recognize she’s not my “serious” type, they’ll probably give me the side eye.
“Yeah, man. I know. Don’t worry about it.”
The male dialogue may seem a bit rash, but trust me when I say I do a very respectable job of distinguishing serious from fun. Judge me if you will, but I’m good.
If you notice, I’ve yet to mention anything about family and that is for a very good reason. Generally speaking, I don’t have many rules when it comes to introducing women to my family. They’ve met some fun women. They’ve met some serious women. And when they meet these women is entirely random. Why is this? I’m not entirely sure, and I think there is a lot to say in this uncertainty. The traditional family roles when it comes to marriage aren’t the same as they used to be. Some folks care about traditions, where the man has to ask a father’s permission for his daughter’s hand in marriage. Then you’ve got men and women willing to suffer disownment from their families for the sake of their lover. And other folks simply elope.
I recognize I went on a tangent, but my last point is to say that people generally make up their own rules. And while I have may have my principles, they most definitely don’t apply to everyone.
Good readers of Biscuits and Gravy, do you have a perspective to share on these questions? Fellas, why don’t you call a woman if she gives you her number? Ladies, why not pick up the phone if you give out your number (I already know the answer but you can tell me anyway)? Ladies, gents, when is it an appropriate time for your new partner to meet important family and friends? If you have any questions for me, please submit them here.
*”Beat” is a slang term for sex. Not to be confused with the literal definition of beating. I can also see my friends who use this term hitting me up later with some, “Yo, man, why you call me out like that?”