Cigarettes and other turnoffs.

I’d venture to say that 99% of the nonsmoking population find cigarettes to be utterly repugnant.  I’m not judging those who partake, please enjoy your habits responsibly and don’t let me stop you.  I merely point this out because so many of the women I find attractive become unattractive upon me discovering that they smoke.  Who am I talking about?  But of course, Ethiopians and Eritreans.  Damn, they fine.  But quite a few can be spotted with the stick of cancer in hand exhaling black from the lung and at the moment they do this, instantly go from dime to nickel and there is no reappraisal.  They’re good people, indeed.  But just not for me.  Not even the casual smoker.  No way.  No how.  No exceptions*.

Dag, Benge.  Why you mad?

Ugh.  I’m still waiting on my food.  Them fries look good, tho…

Cigarette smokers aren’t the only libido lowering ladies I know.  And since I do my frolicking in the lady-laden lanes of Washington DC, the plethora of choices also allows me to be choosey with the women I choose (stop, I can already hear the rants coming).  But regardless of any subtleties that may otherwise discourage my pursuits, there are several types of women with whom I absolutely avoid any romantic involvement.

Now, before you start sighing and rolling your eyes at yet another misogynistic, female bashing biscuit, understand that I don’t find anything wrong with them personally.  Many of the cool women I know fall into some of these categories, but the behaviors they exhibit trigger my emotional guards to blockade the doors and keep out all the nonsense.  In essence, it makes perfect sense to not let them in.

Desperate-seeker

Nobody likes an eager chick, and I’m sure there are a myriad of reasons.  While some guys prefer a challenge and the thrill of the chase, the real issue for me is that she often compromises her values in desperation.  Notice I didn’t say settling.  Settling suggests a woman choose a man who doesn’t match the income, height, or looks of her ideal suitor.  The desperate-seeker chooses—and often chases—men with glaring character flaws.  In theory, I could be a total douche and have her put up with my douchebaggery out of her fear of being alone.

You can spot these women by their general eagerness.  How excited is she about each new man she meets?  How readily available is she?  How much communication does she initiate?  Although the answers to the questions don’t give you a definitive answer, they can help indicate if she favors your time over your mind.

Idolizer

I’ve heard men say that all women like ballers, bosses, big shots and Bengemins.  Although I think this is one of the most untrue and unfair evaluations of women (Bengemin affection exempted), I am of the belief that they generally like stars.  This doesn’t necessarily mean movie stars or red carpet celebrities, but most environments tend to produce candidates with star like qualities that “stand out” from the pack.  Women claim these guys are “just different”, which results in them treating these dudes as highly coveted commodities.

The idolizer’s unattractiveness stems from her own attraction to the idea of a man verses the man himself.  As “different” and “special” as a guy may seem on the surface, he’s really no different than any other guy.  And any uniqueness specific to him will only be revealed in those intimate, personal, and potentially vulnerable moments we appropriately refer to as “quality time”.  But what happens if when in that quality time, the idea is grounded by a contradicting reality?  Usually it’s reality that is to blame, and any realistic dude would be a fool to welcome such culpability.

If it were me†, I’d prefer to gain a woman’s trust by my actions.  And if just standing in my vicinity is enough to make her drop them panties, well, I probably wouldn’t ask that she pull them back up.  But it’s not like I could take her seriously either.  Guitarists, activists, poets, bloggers…these can all constitute stars but they’re not that special.  That a man’s been gifted with gab, athleticism, artistry or business savvy is indicative of his talent and not his personality or his attitude towards women.  Yet the idolizer willingly gives him a pass, which is why I stubbornly pass on her advances.

Storybook-follower

One thing I know for certain is that there aren’t too many certainties in life.  I also know that the storybook-follower feels obligated to completely disagree.  Not only that, but any unexpected variables added to her formula for success and happiness are greeted with extreme discontent.  I don’t understand how some women (and men I suppose, but that’s not really my concern) can be so rigid when it comes to relationships.  I’m guessing they’ve been raised to believe that we each have exacting roles to play and that any deviations from those roles are grounds for a recast of characters.

The easiest way to describe the storybook-follower is to actually describe how to spot her.  Aside from the typically long list of requirements her potential suitor must meet, she also keeps an even longer list of things he must and must not do while courting her affections.  It may seem unfair to reserve bias against women who maintain strict do’s-and-don’ts and resume standards, but they really are that unattractive.  Nobody is perfect.  No situation is perfect.  And anybody who expects nothing but perfection from both is fµcking nutso.

What bothers me about these women is that they’ve got everything figured.  Except that they don’t.  Their inflexibility becomes problematic when life does its whole life thing and starts throwing twists and turns.  Spontaneity is great and should be embraced, but it’s a little difficult to do so when your partner is reading from a script.  We’re our own screenwriters, and any woman who can’t appreciate that can’t appreciate me, so it’s best to just avoid that story altogether.

And so there you have it.  A small list of very practical reasons why I avoid some women.  You’ll notice there is nothing superficial about this list, and that each of the above types may take some time getting to know.  So, take some time.  Get to know.  But look for the signs and don’t act like you weren’t cautioned if you choose to ignore them.

*Psssh, you kidding me?  Exceptions can always be made.  Well, sorta.  Although cigarettes are my number one turnoff, I’ve met a few ladies fine enough to make me tolerate it.  In my mind at least.  I’ve never physically practiced such tolerance.

†A combination of confidence, weirdness, and pride in said weirdness that women somehow attribute to being “different”.