Ulterior motivation is better than none at all: practical reasons to make friends with a woman.

Platonic relationships.  Quite possibly the easiest conversation for me to have but yet I find it an extremely difficult topic to defend when writing this blog.  I’ve actually been struggling to effectively broach the subject because I keep coming back to the same question.  Who cares?  Dudes only want beats, and women only befriend guys they ain’t feeling.  I’m generalizing, sure.  But my approach to meeting women and starting genuine friendships has become so natural to me that I forget it’s completely unnatural to nearly everyone else.  Even a very good (and very intelligent) gay friend of mine recently asked if I was gay because he’s never before seen a straight man have so many homegirls.  Oh.  And they’re attractive homegirls at that.

Can I start you off with something to drink?

Water’s fine.  Wait, from the tap?  DC tap?  Umm, I’m actually not that thirsty.  We could use some bread, though.  Thanks.

Confronting this dilemma has forced me to look back on my relationships with these women over the last 5 years* and think about how knowing each of them has benefitted my life.  In doing this, I realized the many advantages of being in these types of situations, and that some are more initially appealing than others.  Because I implied at the end of last week that men need to play a more active role in making friends—and because women often see this from an entirely different perspective—I’m going to list some rather simple, shallow and self-gratifying reasons as to why guys should pursue platonic relationships.

In other words, I think this philosophy could truly enhance the lives of many young adults.  But because it’s usually men who take the stubborn route towards only interacting with the opposite sex for one thing, I’m going to give ya’ll some incentive to at least try to think differently about still getting that one thing.  And here goes.

Women have women friends

Simple, right?  Dudes, I know you feel me.  If I tell you about some bad chick I’m dating one of the first questions you’re gonna ask is whether or not she has any friends.  The seemingly obvious answer is yes.  Of course she does.  But what we really want to know is does she have any comparably aesthetic friends that are available and perhaps looking to mingle.

Now, you don’t necessarily need to just be friends with a woman to have access to her girls.  But it’s a lot easier to achieve it if you aren’t trying to bag.  In essence, with meeting and dating a woman I can help out my fellas.  But with meeting and friending her instead, I can help out myself.  The better friends the two of you become, the more she’s apt to trust you and be open to the idea of you dating her ladies.  In my experiences, she’s usually excited to do so.

You look better with ladies

Another no brainer as I’m sure you’ve heard it before.  But going out on the town is a lot easier when accompanied by some nice looking counterparts.  For starters, you appear as the man you are.  A man that warrants female attention.  A man that women trust.  A man who women feel comfortable around.  A man that women like, and that’s the key.  It’s been said many times in many ways, but you instantly become attractive when seen with ladies who’ve taken an interest in you.  The level or capacity of said interest doesn’t even matter.  Once your target audience observes this interaction, your value will increase along with your success rate.

If that fails, then at least you’re already out with friends.  Partying with your boys is always cool.  But if you’re not getting play from any ladies in the establishment, it only makes sense to have fun with the ladies you bring with you.  Just don’t have too much fun.  Remember, ya’ll are friends and they trying to get theirs, too.

You gain respect from dudes

This is more basic and ultimately not that serious.  Thus, I won’t give it too much detail.  But at the end of the day, it’s never a bad thing for your fellas to refer to you as the guy who knows mad chicks.  Slightly egotistical I’ll admit, but being that guy can’t hurt.

Once you holler, you’re done

One facet about dating and meeting new women that I think just about every guy overlooks is that once you decide to holler at chick, that’s pretty much all you’re going to get.  Essentially, the length and extent of your relationship with her is entirely dependent upon how successful you are with courtship negotiations.  So when you meet a woman you find attractive and your initial and only aim is to see what’s really good, it becomes incredibly difficult to benefit from her in the future if you fail.  And by benefit, I don’t mean sex.  I’m referring to the reasons I stated previously, particularly the first.  But I’m also referring to the benefit of gaining a friend and having a good person in your life.

I’m not suggesting that you cease to pursue relations with every fine woman you meet, but I’m guessing that the large majority of us pursue these relations based on some initial attraction.  The main drawback to this process is that our initial attractions are often surface level and don’t do well to measure compatibility.  Contrary to some opinions, good friends do not always make for good partners.  And by only seeking the latter, you can completely miss out on the former.

A few women are smart enough to understand that last principle, which is partly responsible for the dreaded “friend zone” that has tormented so many “nice guys” over the years.  As men do sometimes, what we take into consideration is often short sided.  Therefore, rejection is not taken lightly and we fail to acknowledge any advantage to sticking around if we aren't getting any.  But if a woman isn’t feeling you, but likes you and just wants to be friends, perhaps she’s onto something.  And any man who refuses to recognize this possibiliy is fµcking stupid.  Either that, or he just doesn’t know any better which is why I’m here to help.

Now, I’ve been getting some feedback either through comments, twitter, email or hearsay that disagree with a few of my recent posts.  Which is great.  I love the discussion.  Except that I don’t like to constantly repeat myself because some of you struggle with reading comprehension.  The issue I’m having is that some of this feedback goes beyond simple disagreement and attempts to pinpoint some flaw in my character.  So then I have to explain myself, which usually involves me repeating something I wrote that the dissenter didn’t read, didn’t understand, or chose to completely ignore.

Before you ladies get any ideas about how the above list is just another way for dudes to get over on women, please understand that it is not the case.  I simply recognize that guys more often than not don’t wish to bother themselves with getting to know a woman with whom they have no intention of ever sleeping.  Notice that each of the reasons I listed require that a man become genuine friends with a woman.  In doing this, I’m hoping that men can eventually learn to appreciate the greater value in developing platonic relationships.  I have, and I’d like to share that knowledge with you.

But honestly, some of ya’ll just ain’t ready.  So until the time comes when you are, maybe these simple, shallow and self-gratifying reasons can provide some ulterior motivation to help broaden your mindsets.  I’m eager to hear what you think.

*I say 5 years because while I’ve known and been friends with a few women for a much longer period of time, it’s only been relatively recent that I’ve intentionally befriended them.